What the hell, Minnesota?

Doc's readers have praised this site's entertainment value. This post provides none.

Doc is just baffled. Where the fuck have we come from, if this is called progress? Was it so goddamn bad in the past? Was it that goddamn bad, that this world of entitled rapists and abusers and fuck-you douchebags can just run rampant and we think this is a better fucking world? How can we even begin to think we're better than we were? 

I'll come back to that. First some news. 

Minnesota Golden Gophers. Fuck sake fellas, come up with a new name. Now you're the Minnesota Turtleheads. Why not? Your football coach has one pokin' out. I'll get back to that too.

How Rowing Hosed my Life

"You know I'd take a bullet for you, Emfbo. You know that, right?"

That was LoBear, the Big Man, a few months ago. I'd never thought about it that way, but of course it was true. Of course I knew it. And of course it was mutual.

Who wouldn’t take a bullet for this Big Man?

Doctor Frank has put some time into thinking about that ever since. The same question keeps wrapping itself around Doc's brain and it won't let go. Where did this guy come from?

Breaking News... Live from the Senate

Yeah. Garland is out, this guy is in. God Bless America. 

Washington, DC (Emfbo Press) -- President Barack Obama has withdrawn his nomination of Merrick Garland in favor of dark horse candidate Mark Roe, Prosecuting Attorney of Snohomish County, WA. The president announced today that he chose to take the advice of blogger and political pundit Doctor Frank Emfbo, author of the instant classic Boys in the Boathouse, a rollicking, nonsensical tale that was, of course, not true. None of it happened, insists Doctor Emfbo, which is why it's called a novel.

But we digress. Obama's terse statement revealed his decision.

"I made a mistake, all right? Garland is out. New guy is a former Husky oarsman, still listens to Devo, plays hoops with attorneys on Fridays. He's 56 and still has knees. What's not to like?"

Dear Mister President...

Hold up a second there, Mister President. 

Doctor Frank and his buddies Al and Raoul have drafted an open letter to President Obama. They have the perfect candidate for Supreme Court, loved by all except the bad guys. You don't get 70% of the vote without support from both sides of the aisle. Just check out that brilliant smile, and the huge brain in that huge head. Read on...

Story of the Year

 

That’s some story, for sure. Unprecedented five in a row. Unprecedented nine team trophies in a row. Unprecedented sweep of all five events.

They have pictures on facebook, Husky rowers hanging out with Michael Bennett. Holy Cow.

And Doctor Frank couldn’t be prouder. But damn, I couldn’t help just looking back.